Warning: Labels

 

In life we are tagged with various labels.  And many of them are untrue, falsely applied.  

As a child I heard frequently that I was 'selfish', 'lazy', 'irresponsible', 'stupid', 'dramatic', 'hateful', 'liar'.  If I worked physically hard, I was called, 'Smart.'  

When I married and left home, I was told I was lazy and slovenly. Told that I formed acquaintances to earn favors, was a 'user' in the sense that it was supposed I used people to get what I wanted.  I was called 'careless' with money, even though I always managed very well on the limited amount of money I had.  I was told I was a bad mother.  Not a 'real' woman.  

When I became a volunteer and joined a Civic group, I acquired the labels of 'hard worker', 'responsible', 'capable', 'leader', 'someone to count on', "Civic Leader material".    I went back to school and I was called 'competitive', 'a good student', 'helpful'.   I went to work and was called "Qualified", "Valued", and "Department Head".  

I got hit by a drunk driver it added further credence to my previous label of 'careless driver' due to two accidents I wasn't physically involved in and cars I wasn't driving.   

After the drunk driver accident, I was in a hospital for 3 months.  After two weeks in a local hospital, my about to be ex-husband, called me a whore, a bitch, and passed it around that I was scamming the insurance company.   Two and a half months in physical rehab learning to heal and move my body in ways that were less deeply painful, I was a careless mom, neglectful of her children, running away from my responsibilities, ruining everyone's lives, a burden.  Got a divorce and I was a failure, an adulterer, a loose woman, and outcast from the church I had been attending.  Go out with friends to dinner, have a glass of wine and suddenly I had a drinking problem.

Suffered with chronic sinus and bronchial infections so my doctor said I needed to have an AIDS test.  Guess what was talked around town then?  And no, I didn't have AIDS. 

Went to a psychologist for help dealing with the mental and emotional stress and strain and I was told I was only unhappy because I was fat, incapable of normal feelings due to my physical body.  Saw another who was sure I was either stupid or had a head injury because I named a stuffed bear 'Dog' in honor of my dog whose name was Bear...He simply couldn't fathom that humor.  A third therapist said, "You're f---- up" and I'd be with her for years.  I might have been messed up but I knew a therapist would never make that call on first meeting before we'd established the issues.  I ran from her office. 

I wore labels about my physical body.  I was 'scarred' by acne I never had, 'balding', 'cross-eyed', 'lame', 'sickly', 'weak', 'morbidly obese', 'diabetic', 'a heart attack waiting to happen'.  

Tagged and labeled with this or that. Some truthful, some completely based on heaven knows what.   I wasn't perfect by any means, gracious don't even think I believe I was!  But that 'grain of truth' in some of the labels assigned to me somehow became full-fledged character traits and truths.

Medical doctors, psychologists, teachers, friends, strangers, mere acquaintances happily tagged me with labels that weren't mine.  

But the saddest thing of all was rather than rip off the false tags and walk away from the people who assigned them, I wore them like a mandated name tag.  As if they were true.  As if because they were assigned to me by another, I had no right to remove them.  Like those tags on pillows and mattresses we're all afraid to remove because we seldom realize that we are the consumer to whom the right of removal is given.  

And the positive labels, the ones that said ...all those and the other positive tags?  I believed they were the false labels and would bury them underneath the pain and hurt of the negative ones.  

I'm tired of wearing dingy, ragged labels.  I didn't earn them.  They were merely applied by people I no longer allow in my life. 

I've taken forever to acknowledge that I have the power to remove or replace the labels I wear. I have the right to dump every negative label that has been assigned to me.  I'm going to make badges of the positive attributes that others have assigned to me and wear them like the metals of honor they are.  

"Beloved", "Brave", "Enduring", "Good Mom", "Attractive", "Kind", "Responsible"., "Optimist", "Funny".  And I want to acquire a few more, "Joyful", "Happy", "True"...

By the way, I created the image for this post with the help of AI...What do you think?

For The Woman I'll Become

 

This morning, I waited in the car at the Dermatologist's office where John had an appointment.  It was a lovely and revelatory hour spent writing.  

At first, I was thinking about my 'retirement' which honestly wasn't much of a retirement.  It hardly felt like retirement. I rather resented anyone saying I was 'retired' since I was, at that time, working harder than I'd worked in years and years. But in September of this past year, I came to the conclusion that indeed it was time to retire.  

Things I wished I'd learned sooner

 

I was standing before the mirror the other morning, washing my face and brushing my hair.  I was thinking of the past and I found myself saying to the mirror, "I wish I'd learned that earlier."  I'd have saved myself a lot of tears and heartache had I realized they were lessons I needed to learn and not tests to fail repeatedly as I did.

1.  Being alone and being lonely are two very different things.   I learned to be alone in my childhood for many reasons, which had to do with the era and place in which I lived, and some to do with family dynamics.  I got on for the most part. Though I had brothers, we didn't often play together.  I was blessed in that I could always find something to do to pass away the hours.

Making Promises to Myself...and Keeping Them

 

• "Keeping promises isn’t just about the external benefits; it’s also deeply personal. Each time you follow through on a commitment, you’re sending yourself a powerful message: “I am capable and trustworthy.” This boosts your self-esteem significantly. It’s like building a bridge of confidence from within."  ~Leah Bayubay

When I was growing up, I'd often ask for things, as children are wont to do.  Mama didn't always say 'No' but occasionally she would say, "I'll try."  If I asked for a promise, she'd always tell me the same thing.  "I can't make a promise, Terri.  Things come up sometimes that won't allow me to keep my word.  But I will try."  Often enough, Mama provided what I'd asked for, but there were times when it simply didn't work out and I was never as disappointed as I might have been had she told she absolutely promised and then failed me.

My New Junk Journal: January So Far

 

I had such a lovely walk on January 1st.  It was cold and frosty and quiet.  As I walked on the upper part of the back yard path towards the old field road, I heard a branch or leaf in the woods next to me.  Two does emerged and ran across Sam's field across the fence.  

I walked down the field road towards my brother's drive, then turned into the wide-open field that is Sam's.  I heard something north/huff behind me.  I turned and looked and saw nothing.  Started back uphill and again heard the north/huff sound.  Again, I turned and saw nothing.  Then it happened a third time.  I realized it was a buck trying to scare me off.  "Oh, go away!  You've got hundreds of acres you can roam; you don't need this little space!"  The buck took off through the woods. 

My Room

 

I am sitting in the midst of a mess.  Open bottle of glue, scissors, paper scraps, pen, water, an open rolling cart of art supplies, printer pulled near so that I might print off pages, a ruler, a pile of trash (paper), open journals, open notebooks, my Bible...I've completely claimed one half of the dining table.

I am irritable as can be.  John is in the music room calling out to talk to me about sundry thing.  My computer is slower than molasses.  And the printer is temperamental at best.  I would like to cry, yell, fuss.  

Random Thoughts

I've been seriously lacking in the ability to take any inspired thought and write it out but I do have quite a lot of thoughts shoved in my head at the moment and so I thought I'd do what I occasionally have done over at BHJ and write a post with those random thoughts.  Perhaps once I unpack what is cluttering up my brain, I can get back to the business of actually writing cohesive posts.

In the meantime, here we go:

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I Am A Writer

 

In October, I had an idea for a book I wanted to write and self-publish, based on my experience, and I want it to be listed as Penny Ann Poundwise.  I knew it would be unlikely to turn into a best seller, but I thought it might be a help (which was always my initial reason for writing as Penny Ann) and I felt it would be a good way to get my toes wet in the self-publishing field.  

I thought about it all of November and into December as the thing I was going to start in the New Year.  I was excited about it and spent time outlining it in my head and making lists of various things I will need to learn to carry it through.  It looked daunting, true, and I knew it would require a great deal of patience with myself and the processes I would need to go through, but I was certain this was my direction for 2026.

Keeping Time

There's an island in Norway, Sommaroy, where there is no time.  No clocks. No schedules.  Just people. People who move there hang their watches on the bridge going onto the island and there they stay.  School doesn't sound starting bells.  No one lives by any schedule.  If one were up at 3am, you might well find a football game being played on the field. Life is lived as is natural to each individual.  You sleep when you are tired.  You wake when you naturally awaken.  You eat meals at whatever hour you feel hungry...

Honestly at the moment I heard about this island, I was in a great hurry to get ready to take the grandchildren out for a special day.  I was running a little later than I'd planned...It was ironic that I heard of the place when I did.  I stopped what I was doing for a moment and seriously contemplated a life in which time had no presence.

Gentle January

 

On the day before New Year's Eve, I went to bed with my mind teeming with plans for the next day.  I wanted to clear off the patio, a goal that's been on my list for all of Fall and now into the beginning of Winter.  I wanted to hang the pictures I had framed and matted for the kitchen in October, and the plates and platters I brought in from the shed at the beginning of December, too.

I needed to go into town to run errands, to mop the rest of the house (did the kitchen that day), and many more tasks.

When I woke on New Year's Eve, I had a headache.  My foot ached.  

January Bliss

I will be transparent and tell you that since I've been doing these posts about the little pleasures, I plan to indulge in each month I don't always get around to each one...but I do hit upon enough of them that I feel it's worthwhile continuing to plan each month I'm in.  My lists keep me mindful that I have things to be enjoyed in each month and sometimes only in that particular month.  

I've written my list of resolutions which are all personal goals this year.  I'm not planning projects or to push myself much in any direction except in personal growth, improved health, and spiritual growth.  They are about the same sorts of resolutions the average woman might make so I won't bore you with mine.

Reading 

However, one thing I did say towards the end of the year that I wished to do in 2026 is to re-read the books and stories that impacted my childhood (and early adult) years.  For Christmas, I chose to read the Fairy Tale, "The Little Fir Tree".  

I recall sobbing over that story as a girl.  I'll tell you now that as I read it, I wasn't moved to tears, but I could see the wisdom in it.  That little tree was always rushing things along, spending all of its days regretting the season of life in which it was and wishing for something more, almost always disappointed in his now, right until the day it realized that his life was over and done.  

For this month, I have pulled An Old-Fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott, and Five Little Peppers and How They Grew by Margaret Sidney.  I thought I'd commit myself to just the two books, although I've quite a few more on hand which I might read but perhaps I'll want to read other books, as well.  So, I'm starting with just those two.

I'll add any other books I choose to take up to individual posts throughout the month.

I also plan to read through the Bible.  I'm not going to make this big push to read it through in a year.  I've done that many times over.  What I do want to do starting this month is to read a little Old Testament, a little Psalms, a little New Testament each day and sort of just absorb what I'm reading.  It's not about chapters but about verses or paragraphs and sitting with them for a full day before I move on.  

Coffee of the Month

While I very much enjoyed the Gingerbread coffee of November, my December coffee blend just didn't cut it.  I tried a second creamer mixture, and it didn't do much for me either so I reverted back to plain half and half.

I have mixed up a special coffee creamer for January.  I found it online on Christmas Eve and went right ahead and gave it a try.  The recipe is as follows:

Peppermint Creamer

2 cups half and half (or 1 cup cream and 1 cup whole milk)

1/2 teaspoon pure peppermint extract

2 teaspoons powdered cocoa

3 tablespoons Maple syrup

Mix well and store in a covered container in the refrigerator.  

I use about 3 Tablespoons per 8-ounce cup of coffee

The original recipe called for half the amount of peppermint.  I didn't find it to be quite enough, so I doubled it.  It is not a strong peppermint flavor but there is a certain coolness I recognize as being minty in the creamer.  

The original recipe called for 2 tablespoons of cocoa.  It might seem the amount of cocoa I used is not quite enough, but I assure you for me it is just perfect.  I'm no fan of mocha anything.  You'd think I would be since I love both coffee and chocolate, but Mocha just is not my favorite.  The smaller amount of cocoa adds a depth and richness to the flavor of the creamer that suits me.  

Winter Music:

Any relaxing jazz music suits me quite well this month.  Slow paced, peaceful, lovely clear notes.  I like this mix and the ambience of this playlist here.

Winter Pleasures

On cold but sunny days, we've made it our habit for the last few years to put chairs on the sunny end of the back porch and simply sit in the sun.  Even if it's windy and we must wrap in blankets, we'll sit facing the sun, absorbing it, for at least 20 minutes each afternoon.  It's amazing how well that works at lifting the mood and how much better we sleep if we have that bit of fresh air and sunshine daily.

In December, I found myself making less soup.  And then one night we had a lovely slow roasted pot roast, and I filled a bowl with that rich broth from the pan and felt so comforted and so nourished that I wondered why on earth I'd stopped making soup in this season.

I'm going to resume my soup making.  One of the issues I run into is that most recipes make a huge pot.  While I don't mind freezing soup, it does mean that I'm limited by how much I can fit into the freezer at any point.  This month I'm going to make Brunswick Stew which is a longtime favorite of mine.  I generally end up sharing this stew with Katie and Sam's households.  I also want to make a pot of black bean soup.  The one at Ina Garten's site looks really good to me.  And I think a creamy potato soup is pretty hard to beat if it's frigid outdoors.  I like to make a smaller pot of this, just enough for the one meal, and serve it with a sandwich, either a toasty Reuben or a Sloppy Joe.

This being the month that we are fresh out of a sweet laden Christmas season, I don't have plans to do any baking of cookies or cake or pies.  Besides we're running right into February which is laden with birthdays and cakes.  We can nibble on leftovers from our Christmas treats if we're desperate for a bite of sweets.  This month is heavy with a variety of citrus fruits to enjoy, and I do love oranges, mandarins, tangerines, lemons and grapefruits.  Honestly, citrus is my second love after summer peaches.

Over Christmas I started saving apple peels and drying them, as well as citrus peels which I mixed with cinnamon sticks and cloves and allspice to make a potpourri which added a lovely natural aroma to the house.  I thought for January I'd mix rosemary and cedar with that potpourri to make simmer pots to use throughout the month, especially if we have to run the heater.  

I'm going to look for something to snuggle under when I'm watching tv or reading or playing about on the computer.  Back when John was working, I made him an extra heavy fleece blanket to throw over him when he was sleeping at work, since the place came equipped with the hospital issue sheets and blankets (not nearly warm enough!).  He's kept it all these years and pulls it out every winter.  I, on the other hand, have never found a throw that works for me.  I've been trying to use what I have which are either too heavy and bulky or too flimsy.  I'm sure if I were to actually look, I might find something that has the softness and lightweight warmth that is perfect for me.  

I'm going to purchase some pansies and flowering kale, plant some parsley and cilantro and possibly snapdragons in a couple of my larger flowerpots.  They do well as winter plants for us in this area and if it does freeze it seldom is cold enough long enough to kill them.  The amount of pleasure I get from seeing those happy little flowers is worth every penny.

I'm also planning a trip to Lowe's (here at the end of December) where I will purchase reduced price Amaryllis bulb kits.  They usually will bloom about mid-February and add so much color and loveliness to my home.

And lastly, I plan to hang and fill the bird feeders.  I want to move the second feeder to hang where I can see it from the west facing windows in the living room.  I get so much pleasure watching the birds come in to feed each morning and afternoon.  

Especially this time of year, I enjoy watching sunrise and sunset.  Fortunately, sunrise occurs closer to the time I naturally awaken in the winter.  I am, however, prone to set myself a task along about sunset each day and miss it entirely.  I thought for this month, I'd mindfully set aside a half hour each evening to sit and simply watch the day close.  I find it is a lovely ritual to watch the sunset and then go about the house closing the blinds against the dark and snugging in for the evening.

That's what I plan to do to savor January...