Abundant Thinking

Over the past three months, I've had this unshakeable sense of abundance in my life. 

Let me make a few things clear very quickly here.  I am not going to discuss money in the same way that I have in the past.  I am not going to tell you how to stretch a dollar or make a meal go further or how to cut back.  I am not about to share a bevy of affirmations.  Nor am I about to delve into vision boards and feng shui.  

I'm talking about an internal shift.

I have exactly the same amount of money in the bank as I have had in the past.  In fact, I might have a little less at the moment, thanks to multiple car repairs needed all at once on our two vehicles, but that feeling of abundance has been sitting firmly upon me just the same.  

It is there when I open my pantry or freezer and find I have enough and more for our needs.  It is there when I walk out the door and survey this land and our home.  It is there when I am with my family or alone with John.  It is a sense of having all I need.  And that is true abundance.

I have not always had this sense of abundance.  It would be truthful to say that for a great deal of the past five years, I have felt a decided lack in my life and often worried about our futures.  We have a finite income and a limited amount of savings.  Fear nipped hard at my heels.  All the 'what ifs', those horrible, worrisome thoughts, would pop into my mind and I'd fret.  "What if we must buy another car?"  "What if something should happen to the heat pump?"  "What if the bills keep increasing and us with no additional income coming in?" 

Then one afternoon, there came a reckoning time.  

I gave up thinking I was in control.

I sat down and looked at the life behind me, and I realized that money has an ebb and flow.  Like the tide it comes in, and it goes out.  It is fluid and not to be held onto.  There have been times when we've had money come in that had nothing to do with what was earned, sums that we had no idea were about to appear.  It wasn't luck, but a blessing.  As well, we've had times when money poured out as though we'd attempted to carry it in a sieve. One of those seasons occurred a few years ago.  We had to replace the roof on our house, and less than a month later, our heat pump died.  But we made it through that and then we were on to other crises.  And other blessings.

We are blessedly debt free but there are times we find it necessary to use a credit card or a loan to cover a purchase that would decimate a savings account.  Somehow, we have managed to pay back those sums in record time, without accruing interest charges, even though our income didn't rise. 

In looking back, I realized that we've had minimal control over the amount of money that comes in and could only control some of what was going out.

I have given up fearful thinking.

I recognized that when I am fearful, I am blind to blessings, to possibilities, to all the things that are wonderfully good and right about my life.  

I'd love to improve the interior of my home and have every intention of doing so.  I've been guilty of thinking though that I couldn't afford any new pieces and feeling pretty sad about it.  Then I started looking at things on sale, things that were being cleared out for end of season, etc.  Turns out I can afford to make some changes, within reason.  I just didn't look prior because I assumed there was nothing that would fit my budget.   Assumption is often a disguise for fear.   

In a time where the rising cost of food is of concern, I fought the battle of trying to manage my grocery budget for months, fearful of rising costs, worried that we must give up this and that and generally feeling we had to settle for a lesser quality in every food category.  

When I stopped the fear-based thinking in that area, I realized that I've been abundantly blessed in my lifetime with opportunities to learn to make good food on a budget.  We have never gone hungry, even when we had an extremely low amount to spend.  That reminder was all that I needed to lay worry aside.

Once I relaxed and said, "I'll do my best," I've found that I can manage quite well.  I have stopped looking for clearance meats that are questionable (not averse to clearance if it's quality items).  I trusted that my knowledge would help me stretch the food I purchased to cover our needs.  

I now set a certain amount to spend on meat when I shop. If I want a roast or steak or short ribs, then I look over the meat and buy it.  I don't settle.  If what I want isn't available as an affordable quality item I will not purchase it.  But when I do find the ones that I feel are the best, I'll indulge and then I'll purchase other less costly options to finish out that portion of my budget   I've been able to lower my budget by about $100 a month for the past three months. 

Another thing that came up was my love of something beautiful. 

For months, I'd foregone purchasing flowers for my home.   I returned to buying flowers when I shop at the grocery store, but not those garish neon bouquets and not the marked down ones.  I buy flowers at a grocery that has florist quality stems so you can build your own bouquet. I've found it is both affordable and far more lovely than the pre-made bouquets.  

Recently I bought some silk stems of autumn leaves at the dollar store that looked natural.  I have placed those in a tall blue and white vase on my mantle in lieu of flowers right now, along with some small antique books and a bird figurine.  It satisfies something deep within me to see that little vignette.  

More often than not, I find that beauty is well within my reach, using what I have already and requires only time to place these things where I can see and admire them often.

But I think the greatest shift in my thinking has been to be grateful for everything. 

Many years ago, after we moved here, we had great need of many things. Not enough time, or money, or furniture, or anything.  We worked hard to make a house payment and car payments and all the other payments with nothing to spare at the end of any pay period.  I got downright navy blue over our situation.  

Eventually I was sick of my own whining and decided to start a daily gratitude journal.  Every night before I went to bed, I listed five things that I was grateful for that day.  My attitude began to change, and I soon found that the things I was most grateful for were not things that money could buy but things that were freely given: the smell of the earth after rain; an unexpected visit from a grown child; not having anything damaged in a windstorm; or simply the joy of seeing John come up the drive after a long shift.   

I'd forgotten that exercise in these past years, but I've been reminded of it. 

In this reckoning session I also saw that while at times we had not had quite enough, we had never gone hungry, never been homeless, never been without clothing, never been without a car, etc.  We might not have had the best of any of those, but we eventually achieved a better standard.

After seeing the people last fall devastated by Hurricane Helene, and the great losses they faced, I realized that even in the face of complete disaster and lack, those interviewed continually spoke of what they had, not of what they didn't have.  And the moment they were given something, they looked for someone to share any excess with because, "We have enough."  In the face of all that loss and wreckage, I heard those words repeated over and over again, "We have enough."  Their gratitude outweighed their circumstances!

I am grateful for every piece of furniture, every piece of clothing, every trip we make in our well used twenty-year-old car.  I am grateful for every bit of food that comes into this house and grateful for the nourishment that it gives.  I am grateful for this home, this land and the family I've been given.  I'm grateful in the season of plenty and in the season that is hard. 

And that's how I have come to have an abundance mindset in the past few months.