Declarations for the Holidays

 

I'm writing this at the risk of sounding like Grinch.  But this year, I declare 2025 holiday season as mine.  And accordingly, I have written a list of rules for me to live by.

1.  I will not participate in a 'family' event that is bound to bring only displeasure, hurt, tension and stress.

This one is likely the most major of all my declarations.  For years, I have pushed myself to join my mother and brother for holiday meals.  Often enough, they speak to each other, and occasionally to John, but refuse to acknowledge or speak to me at all.  Unless Mama directs me about how she wants her plate served.

I'm tired of doing all the cooking per her requests of what she or brother likes but never considering what John or I would like.  I'm tired of having the food I spent time cooking and loading and reheating and will be carting home again so I can find a place to store it all, being endlessly criticized.  Even though none of it was my choice.

I'm tired of feeling sick to my stomach with the dread of the visits and the deep sadness that comes upon me when we can finally leave.

This year, I am skipping it!  I'm not having a holiday meal with my mother and brother.  Period. 

2.  I will not ruin the holidays by planning to do too much and pushing the 'have tos' upon myself.  

Some years I've done all the things regardless of having all hell breaking loose in our lives, and only to my detriment.  There is nothing worse than coming to the end of a holiday in tears of thankfulness that it is OVER, rather than having enjoyed any moment of it.   

I have planned menus that fit my budget and time only to be told, "Well X doesn't eat that...Could you make this (whatever it is), too?"  "I don't like that... "   

I've been asked, "Can I bring (1-5 others) with us?" when I have struggled to be sure I had enough for just the ones I'd planned to feed.

And there I am.  Stressed because I've overspent, overworked because I haven't gotten any help from any quarter, overtired, over stimulated and overanxious and weepy.  It's just about then that a spat occurs between my beloved and myself and I stalk away in tears.

Then I spend the rest of the holiday season trying to stretch too few groceries to cover all the usual meals and two more holidays...

Not this year...

3. I will do things simply because I want to do them. 

This year, I am going to do things the way I want to do them.  

I'm preparing the treats I want.  I'm making the foods I like.  

I'll send out Christmas cards because I love to send them out.  

I'll have wrapped presents under my tree because I love to see them there. 

4.  I will celebrate happily with just the two of us.

We will be home on Thanksgiving.

Katie is having a family meal on Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving because Taylor wanted to be part of our family celebration of the holiday, something she's never been able to do in the past. Katie's invited the whole family.

Sam is having a dinner for his kids and himself as a family on Thursday.  Millie asked me to join them, but Sam didn't second the invitation, lol.   That will be a private meal for just them.  

I have made no hard and firm plans for us on Thursday because I don't see any point in making a Thanksgiving meal when I've just eaten one the day before.  I'm sure we'll be sent home with leftovers.  I plan to put up my Christmas tree that day and watch "Miracle on 34th Street".  That is always the lead into our annual Christmas movie watch list.

At Christmas, we have Christmas Eve Eve (the 23rd) with Katie and family.  I'll likely go visit Mama before we head home that day since we'll be close enough to her place.  On Christmas we will celebrate our holiday as a party of two.  We usually go visit with Sam and the kids in the afternoon to see what Santa brought.

For both of these holidays: I will decorate the table just for us. I will make a special meal just for us. We will plan the activities that we want to enjoy that day.

5.  I will not apologize for the lack of funds to give as we might have done in the past.  

For the past five years we've had a limited income.  This year, my limited budget is a little more limited than it was in years past. We're coming off three months of doctor bills, costly car repairs, lawnmower repairs, etc. and still have repairs we are waiting to pay for on a leaky pipe and one or two other things.  We've already tapped the savings accounts, and we've used the credit cards and as always, the taxes are due the week of Christmas.  I have managed to save nearly all our Christmas money but it's for the same total amount it's been for the last five years.  Families grow and get larger.  Our budget doesn't, so each one gets a little less than the years behind allowed us to give.  

Everyone will get something. And that's the most I can say.

I do not have the funds nor the want to plan a separate big family day this year.  John might well be inclined to point out that it's just one meal but it's never just one meal.  It's a supper the night before for incoming out of town family, and it's breakfast and supper the day of as well as the big family meal and at least breakfast and quite possibly lunch on the day after that.  And only that much if I insist they go home on the third day...

"We'll just have sandwiches.  Or burgers and hot dogs."  I cannot ever get him to acknowledge that those things cost, too.  The last time we did a sandwich meal for six it cost us nearly $60 to purchase cheap luncheon meat, bread, cheese, and chips. I can't imagine what that would cost for 20 or so.  With hamburger meat in our area running close to $8/pound these days and the addition of chips, drinks, salad fixings, baked beans, buns, extra ice, paper plates, etc. it all adds up hard and heavy.  

6. Every time the word 'selfish' occurs, either through someone else's lips or in the voice of the great critic that lives within my own head, I will quickly reply, "Yes, it' something new I'm trying this year."

 I've been unselfish for many years.  I have lived my whole adult life trying to do what everyone else said they wanted regardless of my own wishes. 

This year...Well, this year I'm done.  This year, I am saying no to feeling guilty, stressed out, pushed to do more with less, giving up my own plans for another's. 

This year, I'll have a holiday season I can enjoy!