I'll Have Fun

 

I'm not very good at having fun.  I am much more prone to think of things that might be fun and then clamp the door shut, lock it tight and force myself to do something 'productive'.   Add to that my Martha complex of being certain that unless I do the necessary jobs about my home, no one else shall (and indeed there is no one else going to do them!).  You can see how I bump hard on the ground the moment I think I'm going to take a day off or a bit of time to have 'fun'.  

Somehow, I've come to associate 'fun' with 'lazy'.  I know I've got it all wrong but changing a lifetime habit of choosing work over pleasure is a hard one to break.  And yet...I know that I must persevere and figure this thing out if I'm ever going to have any balance at all in my life.  When I get overtired and frustrated and too bogged down in 'ought to' and 'should' I can get terribly grumpy at first and gradually I feel a buildup of Navy Blue moments coming in and coloring my whole atmosphere.  

So, these past two months I've tried to stretch myself to do something fun, not just work every day.  And I can see the benefits of it.  It's all over my face.  I look happier than I've looked in years.  I'm finding it far easier to give in and chuckle at John's silly jokes and to laugh really hard at his really clever and witty remarks of which there are many.  I'm not as prone to look in the mirror and see a grave or frowning face.  I feel lighter. 

This weekend, I pulled Somewhere Safe With Somebody Good (Jan Karon) from my bookshelf, sat down and tucked into the book along with my morning coffee.  I read until lunchtime.  On Sunday I took up the book when we returned home.  On Monday, I had the book with my morning coffee.  Then I stirred myself.  I ran errands and after I'd come home and put away groceries, I sat down with the book again.  I read until time to prepare supper.  After supper I finished the book and heard myself give a big happy sort of sigh.  John turned to look at me and said, "Are you done then?"  Yes, and fully satisfied, too.

I've decided that in 2026, I am going to acquire a number of children's books once more.  I do have a few from childhood that were favorites.  But there are others which I like to own: The Secret Garden, The Velveteen Rabbit, The Little Princess are top of my mind at the moment.  

I'd read recently that it's very important as an adult to go back and read the books you read as a child.  I think the importance is twofold.  We need to remember why they were so important to us then and to see how important they are to us now.   Odds are that what was once important still is, but in a different way than in childhood.  Understanding why a book is important to us creates a bridge from our adult self to the child self and helps keep us in touch with the whole of ourselves.  

I haven't read Jane Eyre in years upon years.  I wonder if the scene in the orphanage with Helen will move me to tears now. And will I feel the same sensation of being cold to the marrow of my bones in the loveless household of Jane's hateful aunt?  I'm going to reread Heidi, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, An Old-Fashioned Girl, The Borrower's, The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew...I have had all of those books on my shelves for years and years.  

This summer, I picked up a few National Geographic photography puzzles for the children to put together.  They were simple, just 125 pieces, but the children simply couldn't manage them unless I helped (so they said).  I'd forgotten how very much I enjoy jigsaw puzzles.  I have always enjoyed the singlemindedness required to put a puzzle together.  As one who chronically does two or three things at once, which is a most tiresome habit, I find reading and jigsaw puzzles are two things that require me to focus and stay focused.  It's the singlemindedness that allows me to relax and the relaxing is what feels like 'fun' to my overloaded mind and tense body.

I've been guilty here in this space of trying to hurry inspiration along and force myself to write 'x' number of posts per week.  And to feel I have failed mightily if I don't manage that.  In future, I shall post as I find true inspiration, not as a rote routine.  That is exactly what killed the fun of writing Penny Ann Poundwise. I pushed too hard, posted any drivel I could force out and seldom posted from the heart.  I don't want to lose the joy of writing in this space.  So be forewarned that you might see only one post a week or one in two weeks here and there.  

How can I have fun?  Let me count the ways: swimming, playing the piano, singing, jigsaw puzzles, photography, artwork, coloring, writing (when done right!), reading, painting, watching movies...and there are bound to be even more I discover as time goes on.  I'm going to have FUN!