Things I wished I'd learned sooner

 

I was standing before the mirror the other morning, washing my face and brushing my hair.  I was thinking of the past and I found myself saying to the mirror, "I wish I'd learned that earlier."  I'd have saved myself a lot of tears and heartache had I realized they were lessons I needed to learn and not tests to fail repeatedly as I did.

1.  Being alone and being lonely are two very different things.   I learned to be alone in my childhood for many reasons, which had to do with the era and place in which I lived, and some to do with family dynamics.  I got on for the most part. Though I had brothers, we didn't often play together.  I was blessed in that I could always find something to do to pass away the hours.

When I got married the first time, I spent most all of my time alone.  There was his life and there was my life with our children and never the twain met.  

In all those years I never felt I had someone by my side. I was on my own.  I was left to deal with all the situations that came, no matter how difficult.  After 13 years, I'd had enough.  I felt it was more honest to be on my own than to be so lonely and alone in a marriage.

Now John worked odd and long hours.  There was a season in life when he worked nights and I worked days and we literally met in the middle of a back country road, morning and evening and exchanged quick details the other needed to be aware of about our family and selves.  But our marriage was also different in that if I were scared or frightened or unsure what to do, John was right there, if not physically, he was available by phone and would rush to my side as soon as he possibly could. I was often alone, but never lonely with him.  

 2.  Seasons come and go.   Nothing in this world is ever permanent.  There were seasons of life that brought us to our knees in fear and pleading, because of health, finances, family needs...But every season passed.    

If I'd understood that sooner, I'd have been more peaceful and calmer.  I'd have had more endurance for the hard things upon us at the moment.  I'd have erupted less often in anger and frustration.  I'd have kept my head and just plodded right on through to the end without a breakdown halfway through the journey.

3.  I'd have been more choosey when it came to the people I allowed in my life. I was shy and awkward and wanted so desperately to be liked, I put myself in the position of allowing people to use me.  They weren't friends so much as opportunists...

There are a few people I know I could call on today, even though I haven't seen them in years, and they would be ready to offer comfort or joy in good measure because they were true friends.  But most of the people I allowed in my life fed off my insecurity and anxiety and used it to their advantage.  If I called them today, they'd expect me to be the same as I was in the past.  They wouldn't appreciate the growth or the confidence I have now.  They wouldn't last five minutes in my life now.

4.  The past is worth only what it makes of us.   I read that line in the only Danielle Steele book I've ever read...It's stuck with me not because I thought the book so worthwhile but because that one line rang true as a bell and still does.

My past has been painful and hard and difficult.  I suspect most everyone feels the same.  I spent years and years and years examining and re-examining it all and wishing it had been different.  I've cried and wept and still could if I chose to keep on digging it up and looking it over again.  But I won't.

The past is the past. I can't change it, fix it, improve it, or erase it.  It's part and parcel of who I have become in life.  I can allow it to rule and kill me, or I can allow it to make me better than the circumstances that fostered me.  

5.  Honesty is not always the best policy.  Sometimes, honesty can change a life.  Sometimes, honesty can be cruel and cause irreparable harm.  Those cruel truths need to be left unsaid.  

After many years of wrestling with this knowledge, I find it best to pray hard for the wisdom to know exactly what should be said and when, and which needs to go to the grave with me.  

6.  The face in the mirror won't be lied to. There was a day in my life when I failed to be honest about who I was, good and bad alike.  I lost myself and it took me longer to find myself than I'd have ever expected.

Here's one place where honesty does pay off.  Being truthful to your reflection is one thing you can't afford to pass on.  Owning my faults and failings is important if I truly want to change my life.  I can't undo the past, but I can darn sure set the stage for my future self to be better.

I am sure there are other lessons I've learned in the last 67 years but those were foremost on my mind this week.  

What lesson do you wish you'd learned earlier in your life?