Architect of My Soul

 

This evening on the way home from a day of appointment, errands, and a family visit, I finally put in the CD of John's music that he'd recorded and put in our safety deposit box.  I found myself singing along, smiling, raising a hand in worship at times, and thinking deeply about what a journey a life can be.  What we are truly building as we go is a Soul, that mysterious inner being that is so connected to heart and mind.  With the building of our Soul, we become our own three-in-one self.    

I've picked up the Bible many mornings lately that John kept by his chair and I've read scriptures, often just random pieces here and there, but as powerful as I find the scripture, it's reading John's notes on most of the pages that I find most moving.  There I find he reveals so much of himself in his notes about his vulnerabilities, anxieties, struggles, assurances, and insights.   John was a deep pondering sort of man, though he seldom recognized his own intellect or insightful spiritual knowledge.  I find he questioned his motives, his feelings of frustration and anger, and explored his love and reverence for God even more than he talked about it.  

The music lyrics, and those notes in his Bible, have made me stop and ask myself, am I truly being the architect of my own soul that he was of his?  For probably two years now, I have not read very much of my Bible.   For many years, I read my Bible daily and I gained so much from it, but for reasons unknown to myself, I put my Bible down and didn't pick it up.  I enjoyed sermons and the worship music that was played in my home, I gained much from going to church and listening to our pastors' sermons.  But I can say honestly that I neglected the building and maintenance of my soul.  

I had good intentions, often...right up until I forgot.  I'd spend a few mornings deeply involved and enjoying deep studying and then I'd spend too much time on Instagram and skip my Bible time so I could hurry to catch up on the rest of my day.  Somehow, I never once thought of picking up my Bible during the day or the evenings.  If I didn't take time first thing in the morning, then I didn't do it at all.

I know that this is an area I need to be more focused upon, not because John was, but because I know first-hand the inner peace it will give me, the way I will ponder something and turn it over in my mind all day long and gain some bit of understanding, some insight I'd never had before.  And it not only gave me peace it gave me strength, not to mention the hunger I had to return to learn more.

I've been feeding my soul on the equivalent of junk food a little too long.  I need to make an effort to put something far more substantial into my heart and mind.  Especially now.  I need to once again begin to be the architect of my soul.