Warning: Labels

 

In life we are tagged with various labels.  And many of them are untrue, falsely applied.  

As a child I heard frequently that I was 'selfish', 'lazy', 'irresponsible', 'stupid', 'dramatic', 'hateful', 'a liar'.  If I worked physically hard, I was called, 'Smart.'  

When I married and left home, I was told I was lazy and slovenly. Told that I formed acquaintances to earn favors, was a 'user' in the sense that it was supposed I used people to get what I wanted.  I was called 'careless' with money, even though I always managed very well on the limited amount of money I had.  I was told I was a bad mother.  Not a 'real' woman.  

When I became a volunteer and joined a Civic group, I acquired the labels of 'hard worker', 'responsible', 'capable', 'leader', 'someone to count on', "Civic Leader material".    I went back to school and I was called 'competitive', 'a good student', 'helpful'.   I went to work and was called "Qualified", "Valued", and "Department Head".  

When I got hit by a drunk driver it added further credence to my previous label of 'careless driver' due to two accidents I wasn't physically involved in and cars I wasn't driving.   

After the drunk driver accident, I was in a hospital for 3 months.  After two weeks in a local hospital, my about to be ex-husband, called me a whore, a bitch, and passed it around that I was scamming the insurance company.   Two and a half months in physical rehab learning to heal and move my body in ways that were less deeply painful, I was a careless mom, neglectful of her children, running away from my responsibilities, ruining everyone's lives, a burden.  Got a divorce and I was a failure, an adulterer, a loose woman, and outcast from the church I had been attending.  Go out with friends to dinner, have a glass of wine and suddenly I had a drinking problem.

Suffered with chronic sinus and bronchial infections so my doctor said I needed to have an AIDS test.  Guess what was talked around town then?  And no, I didn't have AIDS. 

Went to a psychologist for help dealing with the mental and emotional stress and strain and I was told I was only unhappy because I was fat, incapable of normal feelings due to my physical body.  Saw another who was sure I was either stupid or had a head injury because I named a stuffed bear 'Dog' in honor of my dog whose name was Bear...He simply couldn't fathom that humor.  A third therapist said, "You're f---- up" and I'd be with her for years.  I might have been messed up but I knew a therapist would never make that call on first meeting before we'd established the issues.  I ran from her office. 

I wore labels about my physical body.  I was 'scarred' by acne I never had, 'balding', 'cross-eyed', 'lame', 'sickly', 'weak', 'morbidly obese', 'diabetic', 'a heart attack waiting to happen'.  

Tagged and labeled with this or that. Some truthful, some completely based on heaven knows what.   I wasn't perfect by any means, gracious don't even think I believe I was!  But that 'grain of truth' in some of the labels assigned to me somehow became full-fledged character traits and truths.

Medical doctors, psychologists, teachers, friends, strangers, mere acquaintances happily tagged me with labels that weren't mine.  

But the saddest thing of all was rather than rip off the false tags and walk away from the people who assigned them, I wore them like a mandated name tag.  As if they were true.  As if because they were assigned to me by another, I had no right to remove them.  Like those tags on pillows and mattresses we're all afraid to remove because we seldom realize that we are the consumer to whom the right of removal is given.  

And the positive labels, the ones that said brave, friendly, capable...all those and the other positive tags?  I believed they were the false labels and would bury them underneath the pain and hurt of the negative ones.  

I'm tired of wearing dingy, ragged labels.  I didn't earn them.  They were merely applied by people I no longer allow in my life. 

I've taken forever to acknowledge that I have the power to remove or replace the labels I wear. I have the right to dump every negative label that has been assigned to me.  I'm going to make badges of the positive attributes that others have assigned to me and wear them like the metals of honor they are.  

"Beloved", "Brave", "Enduring", "Good Mom", "Attractive", "Kind", "Responsible", "Optimist", "Funny".  And I want to acquire a few more, "Joyful", "Happy", "True"...

By the way, I created the image for this post with the help of AI...What do you think?