But Not Yet...

 

One of my fondest memories of past autumns and winters are of Katie as a little girl.  She never cared for the heat of the sun, but the moment the air started to cool, she became an outdoor girl.  And she'd linger every evening for as long as she could.

I'd be working in the kitchen and as the dark gathered in my windows, I'd go to the door and call out to her, "Katie!  It's getting dark, come on in now."  And inevitably, Katie would call to me, "But not yet, Mommy.  Not yet.  It's not really dark yet, it just looks dark from inside.  Come out and see..." 

I'd give in and go out onto the deck and see that indeed, outdoors it was lighter than it looked from inside.  It was getting late, true, but it wasn't as late as it appeared from inside the bright house.

That's something I've been reminded of a lot this autumn, as the season has slowly come upon us.  

During the days lately, I've looked out of the window and seen the glory and beauty of this season, but feel a little blue about it, too.  I've hated seeing the evening sun disappear earlier and earlier each day.  I've struggled with that and the leaves that whirl down in a breeze, revealing more and more of the skeleton of branches of the trees.  I've ached inside for a season come sooner, in some ways, than expected and yet revealing a new, starker beauty. 

More and more, as the years pass, I find autumn a saddening season.  I know that winter is nearer.  I have only to look into the mirror, to look at my life and see that indeed the dark is coming nearer...but not yet, as Katie used to say.  "Come out and look, Mommy.  It's not really dark, not yet."

Maybe I'll stay outdoors and play a bit longer...