Making Promises to Myself...and Keeping Them

 

• "Keeping promises isn’t just about the external benefits; it’s also deeply personal. Each time you follow through on a commitment, you’re sending yourself a powerful message: “I am capable and trustworthy.” This boosts your self-esteem significantly. It’s like building a bridge of confidence from within."  ~Leah Bayubay

When I was growing up, I'd often ask for things, as children are wont to do.  Mama didn't always say 'No' but occasionally she would say, "I'll try."  If I asked for a promise, she'd always tell me the same thing.  "I can't make a promise, Terri.  Things come up sometimes that won't allow me to keep my word.  But I will try."  Often enough, Mama provided what I'd asked for, but there were times when it simply didn't work out and I was never as disappointed as I might have been had she told she absolutely promised and then failed me.

My mother had many shortcomings, but this one thing I truly grew to appreciate about her, especially as I began having children of my own who begged for me to make promises.  I found more and more that I relied on Mama's reply, "I'll TRY", unless I knew it would be utterly impossible.

As an adult, I've tried to keep promises made to my children and to my husband, and obviously to my grandchildren (though they too have heard the famous reply when I was pressed to absolutely promise).  I've been far less apt to keep promises I might have made to myself, though.  In fact, I was a downright liar when it came to things I'd absolutely promised myself. I can name four or five promises I made myself at the start of January and some I haven't even tried to keep!

One of my favorite Christmas films is 'Christmas in Connecticut' starring Barbara Stanwyck.  Stanwyck portrays a well-known magazine writer, Elizabeth Lane, whose monthly homemaking column are a huge hit with her publisher and national audience.  But she is not a homemaker, not a wife, not a mother, nor a cook, as her column portrays her to be.  She is a driven single working woman who lives in a tiny New York apartment (not the country house in Connecticut her audience believes is hers) and gets recipes from the Hungarian cook who has the restaurant below her apartment.

Just before Christmas, Elizabeth Lane is about to eat the meal Felix has brought up from the restaurant (he is the owner/chef).  A delivery man comes to the door with a big box and Elizabeth accepts it happily.  She opens the box and inside is a mink coat.  "All my life I've promised myself a mink coat. And it's very important to keep promises, especially to yourself," she tells Felix.

I won't tell you how many years I've pondered that line...nor how often I've had occasion to recall it as I confronted a very disappointed self in the mirror!

Well last week, I promised myself I'd claim the guest room as my room.  Immediately, I had a grandchild come for a visit, and it was a guest room and a playroom.  But Tuesday morning, one of my first tasks was to take fresh flowers and a more comfortable chair into the room.  I opened the blinds and allowed the sun to pour in.  I opened the top of the sewing machine and laid a sturdy piece of cardboard over the opening and set up my computer.  I'd begun.  It's not yet a fully kept promise, but I am beginning to keep that promise to myself.

Do you want to know other promises I've made this month?  One was to buy nothing new.  And so far, I haven't!  Each time I am tempted to look at clothes or think, "Well I could just go look...", each time I think a new lipstick or nail polish would be a nice pick me up, I remind myself that the closet is full of clothes, and I have enough lipsticks (of which I use about three on a routine basis), and more than enough nail polish.  

When I think how much I want a new book, I remind myself that I have many books, some of which I've never read.  I also bought a 'new' book just after Christmas, when I found an old copy of that poetry book I'd loved so as a teen.  Yes, I bought a 1929 copy of 101 Best Loved Poems.  I am reading one poem, and sometimes two, every evening before bed.

I promised I'd go back to buying flowers for myself, especially here in winter when they keep so nicely in my home. The last bouquet was bought on Sunday and was enough to fill a vase and piece out a smaller bouquet for this room where I'm typing.  

But the biggest promise I made myself was this room, this place to come and work and shut out the distractions so I could write in peace.  I won't use it as a crafting space, just yet.  The work surface isn't quite big enough for that, but it's a fine space to come to write.

As I have worked today, I've thought about what I would like to have in this space.  A printer. Lamps. Bookcases.  Pictures on the walls.  A comfy chair in the corner to use for reading.  

That hard little bench that Grandmother used at her sewing machine is a nice height for a printer, if I can find a compact one that will fit atop it. It will just go under the lid of the machine when I have the machine open to use as a workspace.  

The cardboard covering the open space in the sewing machine can be covered with contact paper and be made pretty.  I have pictures I could hang on the walls. I could use a pretty mug to hold pens and pencils.  I'm rather surprised at all I might do sooner rather than later to make this space feel more and more like mine.

Then I looked about online and found a printer that might be suitable, as well as a pair of lamps...And all for minimal prices.   I've just made myself another promise.  I'm going to buy the lamps as a gift for myself for my birthday next month.

This week, I plan to focus on cleaning up the room a bit more.  The toy box bulges...I don't really need to see the toys and I'm sure that I might eliminate some of that clutter.  

There's a chifforobe in the room that has things piled on top of it.  They are things I keep telling myself I should sell (glassware and pretty plates and a vintage piece or two).   I need to try to get those things listed.  I've been saying I'd do it for the longest length of time (a broken promise!) and I should make good on that.  

I need to sort out the drawers of that piece as well and clear out the clutter on the closet side.  Somehow, I've become the keeper of a sewing machine, a heavy old cast iron beast that is from Bess's family, which sits on the floor of the closet side of the piece.  I think I will cover that machine really well and put it in the shed.  To be honest, I'm rather tired of holding on to things others don't want to get rid of but somehow feel I should keep...

I have pictures to hang.  It's a matter of making up my mind which ones I would want to use...

Eventually I'll have bookcases and a table large enough to craft and sew and paint and such.  I'll have some of my own artwork hung on the walls.

Enough daydreaming.  I can see that this space is going to come together more quickly than I'd imagined possible and with only a minimal investment of time and money at present.  And that's made me very happy.  I can do.

So here I am...  Keeping a promise to myself.  And getting practice in to keep many more.